One of the first people I met when I moved to Florida was R.  We worked together, and we were pretty close to the same age.  The first weekend I was in town we went to breakfast and bookstore browsing, and have been close friends pretty much ever since.

R is a cancer survivor, having had a particular type of cancer that is agressive and usually fatal.  She’s been in remission for a while, but goes monthly to Miami for MRIs and treatments for some other things she has going on.

This past week she had to go to Miami, and when she came back she was really sick, and started complaining over the course of days about some pain she was having.  When she finally called the doctor yesterday morning, they told her to get back to Miami right away and pack an overnight bag and that they suspected the worst – kidney failure.

She drove over that morning and was admitted and given a bunch of meds, but was told that they wouldn’t have any real answers for her until her labs came back today around noon.

People at work are understandably concerned, and I’ve been trying to straddle the line between what’s appropriate to tell and what will satisfy the audience.  Plus, I don’t know that much anyway, so all I can really say is “she feels better and will be seeing the doctor at noon”.

One of my coworkers came by this morning and asked me how panicked I was.  I looked at her quizzically.  Why would I be panicked?

She could have kidney failure! That would be horrible! Her poor children!

Well, sure, but she could also have a minor infection that’s treatable and they’ll send her home with some antibiotics and admonishments not to overdo it.

I just think it’s horrible!  I guess I’m just more compassionate than you are! and she stomped away. (This particular coworker is, per her own description, not a friend of R’s, and per my description, is definitely a drama queen.)

R has been keeping me up to date.  She’s the one panicking, facing an uncertain future, looking at her three beautiful babies and wondering if she’s going to see them grow up.  What do *I* have to worry about?

As I see it, my job as her friend is to be the calm one.  Let’s keep things in perspective, maybe smile a bit.  No one knows anything for sure just yet, so let’s focus on the positive.  I make jokes, I ask questions, and I listen.

I just don’t see how me being a ridiculous sobbing mess is going to help.

So am I doing it wrong?

In case you were wondering: It was a severe infection, but there has been very minimal kidney damage, and the doctors are so optimistic they are sending her home this afternoon with a prescription for meds and bed rest.